when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
