i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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