I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
