I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize