thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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