Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
