Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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