it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
