so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
