Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
