I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
