you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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