If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
