and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
