Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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