So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
