Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
