There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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