Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
