I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
