I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
