I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
