I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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