Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
