Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
