Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize