My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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