My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
