Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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