I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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