what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
