Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
