I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
