He disabled his match.com account in front of me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
