i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
