Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Vodka?
Forever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
