god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
