it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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