i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Panties = found
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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