You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
