it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
