I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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