I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
