your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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