are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize