i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
