i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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