my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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