I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
