i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
