Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
