plz talk dirty to me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize