Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
