soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Your cock deserves a montage
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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