I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
