I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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