Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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