You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
