Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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