All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize