oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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