YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
