and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
