Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize