Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
