All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
