Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
