Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
