i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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