my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
