there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
