Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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