I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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