Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
