I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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