Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
