we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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