he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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