And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
