We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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