Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
