im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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