dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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