Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
