Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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