dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
