My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am naked and annoyed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
