1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
