like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
