So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
