i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
