Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So apparently I’m into choking now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
