Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
