Your mouth is God's brothel.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
