Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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