Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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