I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
