...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
