if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
