Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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