Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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