he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
