I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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