I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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