I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
