I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize