Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
