I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
nutella sex= disaster
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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