Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
