that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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